...her hormones are probably WHACK. I mean reeeealllly crazy. If you've experienced a mental breakdown or, perhaps, mind-altering drugs, you have sampled the turmoil her mind is in shortly after giving birth. Hormones to bond her with her baby. Hormones to cause her to lactate. And the hormones that aided in pregnancy are subsiding. So be patient, and understanding. Some of the things she says may be a bit off-the-wall. She doesn't know better.
...she's tired. Like really, really tired. My friend likened her fatigue to her husband's medical internship years where he had to work 30-hour shifts. Not even close. On those shifts there is usually opportunity for napping. And you always have the end of the shift to look forward to, the light at the end of the tunnel. I freely admit I am a serious sleeper, but even normal people have trouble with this aspect. The greatest gift my husband gave me after Garrett's birth was watching him for a couple of hours here and there so I could sleep. With earplugs. In a dark, quiet room. It took awhile to even get to that point, though. For several weeks my anxiety was so thick and I was so convinced that any other caretaker would drop/break/bruise/underfeed/overfeed/smother/lose the baby, that I couldn't sleep. The first 10 days of Garrett's life I probably slept 20 hours total. So if you can and feel so inclined, offer to take the baby so a new mom can sleep. But understand if she won't let you.
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...there are some primal instincts going on that even she doesn't understand. You know how mother dogs like to give birth in a closet and will growl at you if you get near her new pups? That's how I felt. "Ok, you've held him for 30 seconds, now please give him back." Only mom can hold him right, feed him right, snuggle him right. And there's some truth to it. Baby knows her smell, her voice, her heartbeat. If a new mom doesn't volunteer to let you hold her new baby, I wouldn't ask. Give her time....she's hungry. Especially if she's breastfeeding. Offer to get her food. Any food, besides maybe alcohol, your call. Don't lecture her on how she shouldn't be consuming caffeine, or milk products, or whatever you think. Just give the woman what she asks for. Make her meals and take them over, frozen ones so she won't have to cook for weeks. {So, I should mention that I actually was not hungry, at all, but that's because I was pretty depressed. Most of my friends were moderately to severely hungry.}
...she might be a little depressed. Or a lot depressed. Despite the biological and hormonal attachment to her new baby, she might be experiencing "baby blues" or postpartum depression and, with that, some very confusing feelings. Feelings of wanting to run away, or give her baby away, or hurt her baby, or die, etc. If you're close to the new mom, encourage her to talk about her feelings and be honest. Let her know that other women have felt the same way. Make sure she's not left alone with the baby before she's ready. Get her help, quickly, whether that be medicine or counseling or just sleep.
...she's freaked out about how her body looks now. It may take new mom a few days to get here, but eventually she's gotta take a shower and then she'll realize, "oh, wow, that is not what that looked like before..." Even if she looks like she's been run over by a truck, tell her she looks great. Because, really, she does. And mention that early upon seeing her. She needs to hear it. If she needs to talk about it, listen, and don't say things like "well, soon you can get back into the gym" (because that's the last thing she needs to worry about right now) and "the weight will fall off since you're breastfeeding" (because that's not true about half the time). Let her know she's beautiful and that the feat her body just performed is amazing. She can be proud of that.
These are just from my personal experience and those of a few close friends. Feel free to add yours below.
brilliant advice
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